i'd rather have a penis

In honor of the horrible week that every woman goes through each month I am dedicating this post to all of the women going through the hormonal disaster called their period.  There are all kinds of names and phrases for it but whatever you wanna name it, just know we all understand.

Here is a brief list of names.
TOM (time of the month) The curse, Shark Week,  Aunt Flo came to town and she is ragging on my ass, The rag, Riding the cotton pony, Crimson tide, Flag of Japan, The red sea, Busted Lip, Mother Nature, Mr. Rose, Crime Scene in my pants, Dexter (named after the show about a serial killer obsessed with blood) Cherry pie festival, Communists in the fun house, Reboot as in reboot of the reproductive system, Ovum independence day, Miss Scarlett, The red badge of Courage, Menstro Monster, Punched with the red fist club, closed for Maintenance, Out of Commission, The British are coming, Saving Private Ryan because its a scene of carnage and suffering and The great leaky week.

Period humor

One day a man wanted his wife to run to the store to pick up some cigarettes. Gritting her teeth his wife drove to the store. Their finances had been lacking lately and she wanted to save a little money, so when she got there she asked the clerk to help her find the cheapest cigarettes possible. When she returned home she had loose tobacco and rolling papers. Her husband asked her why she hadn't picked up prerolled cigs. She told him that it would be far cheaper if he just made his own. The next week his wife asked her husband to run to the store to pick up some tampons. Grinning her husband jumped in the car and drove to the store. When he returned home he handed his wife a bag of cotton balls and some string. "Well honey," he said. "its gonna be a lot cheaper if you just make your own."

When I was in 5th grade and my sister in fourth, my Mother thought it would be a good idea to kill two birds with one stone and speak to both of us about the the curse that we should come to expect.

She didn't want to scare us as her mother did her and her sisters, so, she tried to spin it by adding that our breasts would blossom at the same time. My little sister was silent and listened while I asked all the questions I could think of.

After my Mother answered every question I had, my sister examined my mother and me for a moment and said... "I'd rather have a penis."

How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT.

And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.

But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...

The 10 Definitive Signs of PMS are:

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, 'How's my driving? Call 1 800 ****"**.'
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Quick question? How many of you have a little brother that you caught dissecting a pad or a tampon when they were younger? I know a guy that used the tampon tubes as telescopes!

Here is a link to a funny article that a woman wrote about her period. I laughed my ass off when I read it. ENJOY!!!

Whats happening to my body article

Click on the flowchart to make it larger!

Heres some videos!

But all fun and jokes aside, your period is an important thing and I'm sure we all thank goodness it arrives on time every month! Whether you are sexually active or not that period is a happy thing! Well unless you want children, in that case your SOL. Cramps suck, so if your a guy give your sweetie a cuddle session and buy her some chocolate, or midol. Really they are like the same thing. Periods suck but with the proper treatment your period may not be as bad. Good luck with your very own Shark week ladies!!!