Dear Cat owner,
If you said that you owned 2 cats would people look at you like you were crazy? No. 2 cats are normal...What if you had 3? You would most likely be a cat person, its okay, its a way of life. Nothing to be ashamed of. How about 4 cats? At this point you have reached the title of desperate and pretty much single forever. Once we reach 5 cats and above you can kiss your so called social life good-bye. From now on your life revolves around Sir Mittens Chuggingworth and Snowball. Your home will always give off the faint cat odor that everyone hates but no one mentions and your furniture/curtains will never look the same again. You have gained the great and terrible honor of being called a cat lady. Embrace your status in life, brush the cat hair off of your clothing and hold your head high! Not everyone can handle it with such good grace. Im proud of you for being so strong. Don't worry when you get lonely your home will always be full of animals that may never love you but they will always come back. Don't blame them for not loving you, they are cats their default expression is one of disgust and loathing. A kiss from them is the sting of their claws kneading into your skin until they draw blood. But again, don't completely lose hope. You will never be alone again, everywhere you turn there will be a cat waiting...On the couch-cat, on the table- cat, on the windowsill- 2 cats. On the wall you will have a series of step like shelves for the cats to climb up and stare down at you like gargoyles. You will someday have an entire photo album created for all of your pet cats and you will hold people hostage on your cat hair covered vintage smelly couch until they have seen every picture. Your backyard will resemble a graveyard, covered in the crosses of all of your beloved past kitties. You will be that crazy aunt that everyone in the family avoids at all costs because they don't want to be trapped, hearing the latest exploits of Mr. Paws and his equally mischievous sidekick Felix. I just wanted to take this time to say good luck and I hope things work out for you. I'm going to be outside playing catch with my outgoing and flirtatious dog. We are going to pick up a couple of attractive guys and go on a play date at the park. But hey, you have fun with your ball of string..try getting a laser pointer, those are fun too!
Sincerely,
Dog lover
